Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
