You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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