rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
