did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
