I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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