So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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