In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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