your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize