You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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