everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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