nut hugger
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The air taste purple.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
