Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
