I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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