apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
