I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
