Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
