yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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