yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
