it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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