i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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