I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
