Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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