I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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