So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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