so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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