That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
