they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
