When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
