i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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