My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
