ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Terrible idea I love it
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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