We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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