thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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