I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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