I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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