How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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