I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
