Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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