So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
