I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
