I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We left the knife in your bed.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
