About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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