oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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