I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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