your parents love me but you hate me
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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