Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
