You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Is Oprah even human
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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