Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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