hell yes lets make some ravioli
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
