I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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