You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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