He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
