I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
