we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
