listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
