pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
