I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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