Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
