Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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