I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
