hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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