Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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