So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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