so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
