He kissed a someone with a penis
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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