my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
