Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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