He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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