I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
