ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Randomize
