The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
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I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
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I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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