so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
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He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
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the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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