Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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