Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
