Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
