is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
