it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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